They say that as women, we will inevitably fall for someone like our fathers. Call it an Electra Complex; call it being a daddy’s girl; it’s all the same. We want to find a man who will protect us and love us like our fathers do. Whether it disturbs or defines you, it’s a phoneme that’s puzzled psychologists for years.
For me, it’s simple.
Our male relatives are meant to set an example for us as young girls. For me, it was my grandpa. I remember telling my grandma when I was nine I wanted to marry a man just like him. Even in my pre-pubescent years it was evident to me that their marriage was stronger than anything from this generation.
Kudos to Kim K., 72 days, must’ve been rough.
I didn’t know if they still made men like my grandpa, but if they did I wanted to find one. I’ve since established the characteristics my future significant other must have, as told by my Grandpa Vandervort.
- Be considerate
I remember staying at my grandma’s and swimming in the backyard while she made a list of things that needed picked up from the grocery store. Without a beat my grandpa would take the list and off he went to Fry’s. It might seem small, but the consideration behind it was so apparent. It didn’t matter that he was the man in the relationship; they were a team. He never complained about running errands or even shopping with the girls. He was patient. He even attempted to answer any questions my grandma posed about the blouse she was holding against her chest. Also, he always made sure to ask us grandkids if we wanted anything special from the store before he left. Bonus points.
- Learn to cook, dammit.
This should be a stipulation for all men, I think. My grandpa is a fantastic cook. Half the time we go over in honor of my grandpa’s cooking instead of my grandma’s. Not that she’s bad, of course. Most men today believe they don’t need to learn to cook because that’s the woman’s job. There are few things in the world that infuriate me more than this idea. We have no special cooking gene embedded in our uterus. We weren’t born with cooking gloves where a penis would have been. My mammary glands don’t make me any better of a cook than your testosterone makes you suck at it.
- Pick your battles
My grandma is notorious for being indecisive. By indecisive, I mean she’ll tell you she doesn’t care where you eat until you give her options she doesn’t like. This isn’t totally inconceivable. It’s a lot like when you flip a coin to make a choice, but once it’s in the air you suddenly know if you want heads or tails. A lot of women do this, and a lot of men can’t stand it. It will instigate needless bickering that could have been avoided. I’m not saying men should completely hold their tongue to pacify us; just realize what’s worth disagreeing about and what’s not. If you really want to go to a certain restaurant, tell us. We’ll be ok with it, but don’t get mad when we say we don’t know what we do want. We just know we don’t want Chinese, Mexican or a burger.
- Treat her like a queen
My grandma is already a fabulous person on her own, but nobody makes me realize that more than my grandpa. If I could find a guy that looks at me the way he looks at her after all these years I’ll consider my relationship a success. He sold his guitar just to buy her an engagement ring, and I whole-heartedly believe he’d do it again.
I fully believe my grandparents have either paved the road for my future relationships or given me unreachably high expectations. Either way, I got very lucky to have such a steadfast and reliable set of people to help raise me.
Who cares what Sigmund Freud has to say? I am shamelessly looking for a man just like my grandpa.